Ok, so I wrote this a couple of years ago so it is a little bit out of date, which is why it says ‘wait for the next Harry Potter film’ at the end. I wrote it for a university assignment and got quite a good mark for it. I hope you enjoy!
Argh! Everywhere I turn, everything I hear seems to be about one thing. It’s a behemoth of a shadow following me around. Every bus that goes past, every channel, every radio station they’re all obsessing about one thing.
I’ve had enough of Twilight. It’s all everyone can talk about. The annoying giggly girls at the front, middle and back of the bus, TV presenters, radio presenters. Twilight, Twilight, Twilight.
The persistent blighter has even managed to make it into my column. It has to end. This perpetual Twilight blitz has to stop. Somebody has to burst this insistent bubble, and believe me I’d be honoured to do so.
Walking into a bookshop I thought the worst that could happen would be discovering a whole shelf dedicated to the literary equivalent of a cockroach, but no, they took this inexplicable craze to a whole new level.
I quickly surveyed the shop as I entered and registered, with a mingling feeling of shock, horror and revulsion as my eyes met those of James that this big brand retailer had jumped on the ever growing bandwagon, the very same one I refused to climb into.
Anyway this minor character was wrapped around a pillar advertising the first film, months after screenings had ceased.
For some reason they felt this incessant need to fan the flames and keep fuelling the Twilight fire.
But why? What’s so good about the apparently phenomenal Twilight? Why have so many people been brainwashed by the lazy, less than articulate writings of Stephanie Meyer? And somebody please tell me why so many critics have felt it necessary to stroke the ego of this average author by comparing her to J.K Rowling?
Fine so they’re both attention grabbing best selling series, both of them speak to a multitude of children, teenagers and in some cases adults, but one has to be better than the other.
Is it the home grown Brit, The-Boy-Who-Lived, penned by J.K Rowling, or is it the ever so slightly self absorbed couple who have romanticised romance, created by American author Stephanie Meyer?
Well in my opinion there is no argument, there’s no versus, there is only one clear winner that stands atop this particular literary pile and that would be Harry Potter.
So why can’t it go back to when something good was all the rage? I remember way back when, aged seven having Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone placed in my hands.
Little did I know that as soon as I opened that book I would be whisked on this great big adventure that became so much a part of my childhood that I still simply adore it, eleven years later.
The moment I opened the first book I was hooked and became a lifelong fan. I’m not too proud to say that on my eleventh birthday I had hoped to get a Hogwarts letter through the post and dying a little inside when it didn’t come. Of course rationality told me that such a magical and fantastical place didn’t exist, but there was that small part of me that held out hope.
That’s the sign of a good book. Something that draws you in so much that a part of you desperately wants to believe that places like Hogwarts and the Burrow exist. That somewhere out there people are playing Quidditch.
Those of you, who are on Team Meyer, look at it this way: does it not seem like she’s patronising you, the language and substance are so minimal that it doesn’t take much brain power to absorb it.
It’s almost as if she doesn’t trust you to cope with anything more complex, making the character development and plot stagnate in the well of potential that she appeared reluctant to tap into.
Is this what it has come to? People today have become so lazy that all they can be bothered to read is a dismal attempt at showing you what life could be like if you had a vampire for a boyfriend.
It’s a disgrace; I mean god forbid if a decent author comes along with a great story that requires a bit of complexity to get you stimulated. People would complain: “Oh I gave it a go but I just couldn’t get into it.” Or “it’s just not original.”
Well I have news for you; Twilight is not original. It’s a pointless regurgitation of once great stories that have been drawn into this feeble documentation of the whiny protagonist’s life.
Firstly I’m pretty sure that Meyer did not create vampires, nor did she think up the idea of werewolves or shape shifters.
Secondly she was also not the first person to toy around with the idea of doomed romances, I’m sure you’ve heard of Shakespeare and even he was recycling material.
To be honest I think I can safely say that the concept of originality in the case of Twilight is dead in the water.
At least J.K. Rowling put an original twist on old things and she actually had the gall to concoct something new, I for one had never heard of anything like Quidditch or Horcruxes before being introduced to Harry Potter.
I’m sorry for the use of clichés when discussing Meyer, but that’s what Twilight is, one big bumbling cliché that just does not know when to stop. It’s also something that makes the ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ ending cringe when reminded of the saga.
In Bella’s world happy endings are all that exist which, forgive my pessimistic attitude, is totally unrealistic. If we were given what we wanted the world would be a different place. Gordon Brown would never have become a politician, poverty would be history, feebly written books would not be seen as the cream of the crop and I would have received my Hogwarts letter when I turned 11.
So with this excruciating rant over I guess I still must accept that I’m in the middle of a Twilight storm and nothing can stop it. All I can do is block out its existence and wait for the release of the next Harry Potter film.